Can a Chameleon Change?
The topic of today is can a Chameleon change? Or more literally can a person change from behavior that is verbally destructive in nature and if so can he/she ever change such behavior? So let's go back to the chameleon which is a species that changes itself to fit the environment it lives in. If I could share the true definition of a chameleon from old Mr.Webster it is "lizard of Africa and Madagascar able to change skin color AND HAVING A PROJECTILE TONGUE"! Do you have someone you know that is all shiny and fits into their surroundings seemingly well and then that lizard tongue whips out at warp speed to give you whip lash? So this is the discussion I had over Happy Hour drinks at Sonics with a few friends from my "posse". (Let me specify, SODA is half off from 2:oo-4:oo at a Hamburger Joint.) We sat and discuss life, work, and others when the topic fell on people that are toxic. We all have someone, a friend, a family member, a neighbor, a husband, a child, a parent, a co-worker, a boss. None of us are immune even though we would love to get that vaccination. So the heated discussion was can someone who is consistently demonstrating the same kind of destructive projectile tongue behavior change? Some said "Anyone can change and we always have to give them the chance to do that." Others said "It is our duty to be friends with them (or stay in contact ,etc,etc) and allow them to change." While others felt it is "okay to stay friends with them but just distant yourself when they get ..dot dot dot." (I am just giving you the feel of the course of conversation.) This is what I loosely said....
"Can someone change? Absolutely. YET, it has been my experience that change is a very hard thing to do. The only way for someone to change, in my opinion, is if they have an intense desire to reform and are showing change through their actions as well as their words." I have never really understood the view of "overlooking" others faults THAT are DESTRUCTIVE.( May I interject that yes, please look over faults that are mere annoyances such as my spelling and inabilities as a novice writer.) I just never got that someone can constantly misuse you in either in an emotional or verbal way, or your family, and you go on as if it is a big giant pink elephant in the room that no one sees.
I get that often we are put in a situation that is uncomfortable for us to take a stand. I had an extended family member that consistently exhibited deleterious behavior. It was not the most popular stand within the dynamics of those involved to say "I am unwilling to participate in this persons cycle of destruction and so I am taking a leave of absence from them until their choices become safe for me." Often taking a stand requires tough skin and the willingness to be judged inappropriately. I had this one instant where a person spread heinous OUTRIGHT lies about members of my clan. Her projectile tongue created divisions amongst families, friends, and leaders in our community. There was no provocation except within her own mind….think Mrs. Olsen from Little House on the Prairie on steroids. To stand up to that is to be judged unfairly by others BUT not to stand up to it seemed even worse. (I always say think of Jesus in the Temple with the money-changers. He didn't sweetly ask them to leave and then say they are okay and then just pretend it didn't happen.)
It is a gift to be a peace maker. I am sure that the world needs more of that. I do however believe that a few people in the world are chameleons who can change their colors to match their environment for awhile but their projectile tongue will give them away every time. It is up to us whether the situation requires peace, reformation, or just plain talk. Which ever you choose, I got your back. Go & Do.
"Can someone change? Absolutely. YET, it has been my experience that change is a very hard thing to do. The only way for someone to change, in my opinion, is if they have an intense desire to reform and are showing change through their actions as well as their words." I have never really understood the view of "overlooking" others faults THAT are DESTRUCTIVE.( May I interject that yes, please look over faults that are mere annoyances such as my spelling and inabilities as a novice writer.) I just never got that someone can constantly misuse you in either in an emotional or verbal way, or your family, and you go on as if it is a big giant pink elephant in the room that no one sees.
I get that often we are put in a situation that is uncomfortable for us to take a stand. I had an extended family member that consistently exhibited deleterious behavior. It was not the most popular stand within the dynamics of those involved to say "I am unwilling to participate in this persons cycle of destruction and so I am taking a leave of absence from them until their choices become safe for me." Often taking a stand requires tough skin and the willingness to be judged inappropriately. I had this one instant where a person spread heinous OUTRIGHT lies about members of my clan. Her projectile tongue created divisions amongst families, friends, and leaders in our community. There was no provocation except within her own mind….think Mrs. Olsen from Little House on the Prairie on steroids. To stand up to that is to be judged unfairly by others BUT not to stand up to it seemed even worse. (I always say think of Jesus in the Temple with the money-changers. He didn't sweetly ask them to leave and then say they are okay and then just pretend it didn't happen.)
It is a gift to be a peace maker. I am sure that the world needs more of that. I do however believe that a few people in the world are chameleons who can change their colors to match their environment for awhile but their projectile tongue will give them away every time. It is up to us whether the situation requires peace, reformation, or just plain talk. Which ever you choose, I got your back. Go & Do.
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