I am alive!
I am alive and kicking! So if’n you were concerned about me put your mind to rest! I promised an amazing summer blog and then went to an amazing back to school blog and failed miserably on both. I want to finish my list of days gone by but there seems to be a reoccurring theme that women have to grapple with. This theme is “I am not enough” and “I am to accept all INTO my life without sensor.” I am here once again to say that if you are doing the best you can then you are enough. I was in the mist of a 3 year layoff of no employment or under employment. Some of my husband’s family decided I wasn’t doing enough because I was not working a full time job to their expectations and they had no understanding of the specifics of our lives but just knew I was not doing enough, therefore I was judged too harshly. My children lives were rocked by a witch in the hood who decided to smear their names and those who should have stood up for them failed miserably because they wanted peace at all cost. The children knew that things a normal teen would want and receive would not be apart of their childhood. We had little debt so we could, for the most part, keep our heads above water with the hard work my prince did with odd jobs thrown his way. But having financial difficulties, family disownership/judgement, threat of losing our lifestyle, neighbor difficulties, I was at my ropes end literally. My one teen had a little mini break down the same day I was contemplating that the end of life would be best…..I said the “F” word to her. Now mind you, we think that “shutup” is a swear word in our home and stupid is simply not used so the use of the horrible “F” word is simply taboo and a whole soap bar would be used if heard in our four walls. But yes, to my dismay, I said it. And guess what? That is what the child remembers. Me swearing at her like a sailor on leave. But as I shared before that at that very moment, in order to physically contain myself, my energies went verbal. It was the best I could do at that moment. Looking back now, I can see all the blessings and kindness shown our way. I can see how many prayed for us and worried for us. There were many deeds done on our behalf. But that day the pressures of life was too much. I did the best I could. Point made. Right?
Now, onto the other item of business. WHY oh WHY do you think that just because someone is related to you or WAS your dear friend that you must put up with anything they choose to throw your way? A famous movie star quoted that he only “soars with Eagles not with Turkeys.” I completely believe in resolving issues, creating relationships that are win-win, that every relationship has rocky moments, etc etc . But I am all about the love. If that person is demanding that you put all your needs and wants aside because they want you to serve them then it is no longer a partnership. We often get into or are born into relationships that start to feel that you are the giver all the time and anytime you take then it is an issue. I have a friend whose hub is constantly serving his elderly mother who lives an hour away. He goes up every weekend to help out. She decided to put a deck on her house and required hours of his time to do it, pay for it, etc. He almost missed his child’s birthday because he was serving her. She wanted him to chauffeur her 3 hours away to just “see” where she was going to go for a trip in two weeks the day before he was taking his family on a vacation. (He is a good son!) But the kicker is that she has two grown children that live right next to her. She wants him to prove his love to her by presenting situations that he must choose between her and his own growing family. He keeps proving and she keeps testing. This is no longer a partnership but a one sided relationship. It takes away from his own family unit and peace of mind and marriage but doesn’t really add to his mother-son relationship as he has to keep proving. So in math that is a negative balance. Negative to his own family and negative to his son=mother relationship. So you are in the hole and are relationship bankrupt. Don’t do that. Fill your bank account with positives. Make it work for you in an appropriate way. Win-win. If the person wants a relationship with you then they will fight a little as you are changing the game on them. But then they will come around to be a positive force in your life instead of a life sucking force in your life.
Go and make that change!
Now, onto the other item of business. WHY oh WHY do you think that just because someone is related to you or WAS your dear friend that you must put up with anything they choose to throw your way? A famous movie star quoted that he only “soars with Eagles not with Turkeys.” I completely believe in resolving issues, creating relationships that are win-win, that every relationship has rocky moments, etc etc . But I am all about the love. If that person is demanding that you put all your needs and wants aside because they want you to serve them then it is no longer a partnership. We often get into or are born into relationships that start to feel that you are the giver all the time and anytime you take then it is an issue. I have a friend whose hub is constantly serving his elderly mother who lives an hour away. He goes up every weekend to help out. She decided to put a deck on her house and required hours of his time to do it, pay for it, etc. He almost missed his child’s birthday because he was serving her. She wanted him to chauffeur her 3 hours away to just “see” where she was going to go for a trip in two weeks the day before he was taking his family on a vacation. (He is a good son!) But the kicker is that she has two grown children that live right next to her. She wants him to prove his love to her by presenting situations that he must choose between her and his own growing family. He keeps proving and she keeps testing. This is no longer a partnership but a one sided relationship. It takes away from his own family unit and peace of mind and marriage but doesn’t really add to his mother-son relationship as he has to keep proving. So in math that is a negative balance. Negative to his own family and negative to his son=mother relationship. So you are in the hole and are relationship bankrupt. Don’t do that. Fill your bank account with positives. Make it work for you in an appropriate way. Win-win. If the person wants a relationship with you then they will fight a little as you are changing the game on them. But then they will come around to be a positive force in your life instead of a life sucking force in your life.
Go and make that change!
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