Narcy.....
Narcy...no not Nancy. I meant the narcissistic people that we bring into our lives at times. Why girls do we do it? The signs are there....practically painted on every wall of friendship. But we are the ones that either are going to change them or help them. Shame on us.
Silliness. So I have had a few "narcies" in my life and really I don't have much room for them as of late. So here is the story that prompts some sage advice at the end. I had a friend. Yes, you read right, had a friend. I really liked her. We would talk about a lot of things that I enjoyed. Most of the time we spoke about her and her life but that was okay....I was really interested. She threw me a few crumbs when life was down and promised to send some fun things my way. Never showed p but that was okay. She really never followed through on things that she was going to send my way either by car/email/gift cert. But still we enjoyed the conversations and I loved helping her pick out things for the myriad of things in her life. She would come to me with her problems that usually included issues with friends who weren't acting like friends. She had a business venture with a "close"? friend who eventually took over and left this poor girl out in the cold. That was horrible. I felt bad hearing the story. Then she started some new things in her life and again included "close" pals to help out. They helped themselves to all the perks and opted out of responsibilities that came with these perks. But she held up and even continued some sort of relationships with these "turn-coat" pals. She always had an excuse close to her to explain away why it is okay that these gal pals did these things to her. So the friends that didn't act like friends .... she kept close. Now forward a few years. She receives a kind letter from a friend who say essentially she cannot take this "narcie" friendship anymore. She comes away from that bond feeling bad about herself and her life and she is in need of ending any friendship so that peace can be restored to the kingdom. As my friend reads the heart felt letter and was contemplating how she would "revenge" her hurt feelings back to this now ex-friend, I realized that it is true. I have only offered kindness and support. I was always mindful of her struggles and offered support that did not offend her current stresses. But I was realizing that a great idea I had she offered to someone else...in the guise that it was up to me but.... And then she wouldn't return some items of financial importance of mine. She wanted help in a partnership way but without any perks.And I started to realize that I was offering more then I was getting. And it was okay until the bigger things started happening. Truthfully, it was when she offered up the letter of ending of friendship that I realized that I felt the very same way. When I broached her with kindness that I was feeling a little used and I just needed a minute to think it over...the claws came out! She was not going to convey any communication unless it was have too and then only in 3 or four word sentence. Now this is why I am sharing this. She had some items of mine that I generously lent....many months of asking for them she finally sent them to a relatives house for me to pick up but convenintly didn't tell me she had done this. I wrote asking about it and true to her "narcie" attitude I got the 4 words of confirmation that yes she sent them. No help of how to get these items or how to contact said relative. And I realized...she gives anything of herself to those who treat her unworthy but if you are a true friend, it is not that important to her. She won't put effort even if you have done all you can to serve and love her. She honors those who have taken from her in all ways but shows little tolerance or compassion for those who have served her. She would let friends hinder her at the most trying times and turn the other cheek but take a true friend who is expressing a little hurt over not feeling appreciated is thrown to the side of the road like an old candy wrapper.
So my dears, here is the bottom line, actions ALWAYS speak louder then words. If you find yourself in a relationship that you are (or at least feel )"always" giving and the person of your affection is having trauma with everyone in their life (friends, family, inlaws, community, work) and has less interest in your life then their own....run. Run like you haven't eaten 2 hotdogs loaded with mayo! Do not pass go do not go directly to jail. Just bail.
Silliness. So I have had a few "narcies" in my life and really I don't have much room for them as of late. So here is the story that prompts some sage advice at the end. I had a friend. Yes, you read right, had a friend. I really liked her. We would talk about a lot of things that I enjoyed. Most of the time we spoke about her and her life but that was okay....I was really interested. She threw me a few crumbs when life was down and promised to send some fun things my way. Never showed p but that was okay. She really never followed through on things that she was going to send my way either by car/email/gift cert. But still we enjoyed the conversations and I loved helping her pick out things for the myriad of things in her life. She would come to me with her problems that usually included issues with friends who weren't acting like friends. She had a business venture with a "close"? friend who eventually took over and left this poor girl out in the cold. That was horrible. I felt bad hearing the story. Then she started some new things in her life and again included "close" pals to help out. They helped themselves to all the perks and opted out of responsibilities that came with these perks. But she held up and even continued some sort of relationships with these "turn-coat" pals. She always had an excuse close to her to explain away why it is okay that these gal pals did these things to her. So the friends that didn't act like friends .... she kept close. Now forward a few years. She receives a kind letter from a friend who say essentially she cannot take this "narcie" friendship anymore. She comes away from that bond feeling bad about herself and her life and she is in need of ending any friendship so that peace can be restored to the kingdom. As my friend reads the heart felt letter and was contemplating how she would "revenge" her hurt feelings back to this now ex-friend, I realized that it is true. I have only offered kindness and support. I was always mindful of her struggles and offered support that did not offend her current stresses. But I was realizing that a great idea I had she offered to someone else...in the guise that it was up to me but.... And then she wouldn't return some items of financial importance of mine. She wanted help in a partnership way but without any perks.And I started to realize that I was offering more then I was getting. And it was okay until the bigger things started happening. Truthfully, it was when she offered up the letter of ending of friendship that I realized that I felt the very same way. When I broached her with kindness that I was feeling a little used and I just needed a minute to think it over...the claws came out! She was not going to convey any communication unless it was have too and then only in 3 or four word sentence. Now this is why I am sharing this. She had some items of mine that I generously lent....many months of asking for them she finally sent them to a relatives house for me to pick up but convenintly didn't tell me she had done this. I wrote asking about it and true to her "narcie" attitude I got the 4 words of confirmation that yes she sent them. No help of how to get these items or how to contact said relative. And I realized...she gives anything of herself to those who treat her unworthy but if you are a true friend, it is not that important to her. She won't put effort even if you have done all you can to serve and love her. She honors those who have taken from her in all ways but shows little tolerance or compassion for those who have served her. She would let friends hinder her at the most trying times and turn the other cheek but take a true friend who is expressing a little hurt over not feeling appreciated is thrown to the side of the road like an old candy wrapper.
So my dears, here is the bottom line, actions ALWAYS speak louder then words. If you find yourself in a relationship that you are (or at least feel )"always" giving and the person of your affection is having trauma with everyone in their life (friends, family, inlaws, community, work) and has less interest in your life then their own....run. Run like you haven't eaten 2 hotdogs loaded with mayo! Do not pass go do not go directly to jail. Just bail.
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