Adopted Girl….
Adopted Girl….For many don't know, I am adopted. I came into this world thinking that I was a misplaced letter that arrived in the wrong mailbox and then, after sometime, found my way to the right address. I even wrote a child's book about it. I , in my book, imagined the many different circumstances in which I was handed over to my own mom and dad. I also vividly imagined where I came from. (I was sure, when I was young, I was from royalty of some kind….every girl wants to be a princess,eh?) My mama told me what she was told. I herald from a young (very young) couple who were parting ways and already had a wee babe besides me. I always looked at it as a gift given to me. This couple could have easily said a tube and a suction cup could have done away with the "what do we do with her" dilemma. I always grew up with gratitude that they would allow me to be ushered into the world and given a chance at something they apparently couldn't give me. I never thought if I was loved or not because the mere act of giving me life, sufficed me.
I remember being 5 or so and my mom was standing at the kitchen sink with her plastic yellow gloves on, washing away. I looked at her, she seemed so tall then, and asked her what adoption meant. She stopped washing for a minute and explained how some mommies cannot take care of their babies so they give them to other mommies who can. That was good enough for me. I think I probably said, "oh." Then I am sure I ran out to play in the big tree and the fort it held.
People, through the years, would pry or prod asking me if I felt abandoned. My own prince charming cannot believe that I didn't have lingering issues. I said every babe given up gives a thought or two to why didn't they want me? But it is passing. So briefly. I bet other children felt things of their own biological parents along the same vein of thoughts. Natural. But that was it for me. No long term remorse. At the end of the day, I know I am loved. Loved by my parents who raised me. Loved by my siblings who share my childhood memories. I have no empty hole I need to fill …..no replacements needed. So I have been content and vaguely curious.
Then I got a call. . . . my sister in law called and said someone was trying to get a hold of me. It was my "biological half sister". I didn't sleep that night. Apparently, someone on FB was able to find me for her. What if we don't like each other? What if we have nothing to talk about? What stories will I hear that will hurt me or make me jealous? Why now? Do I want to open that door? Do I want to expose myself and my family to virtual strangers? How will this change the dynamics of my own relationships with my family? Did a brick wall just fall on me because it sure feels like it!!!!?? The feeling of holy heck this is not true pervaded my life for 24 hours!! It was just so shocking!
She looked for me for 15 years. Dang that was the clincher! She wanted me in her life for a while. We are taking it slow but I find myself thinking, wow I want to call her! Isn't that crazy? I haven't expanded to others in the family. I am unsure, even, how they feel or not feel, if you know what I mean. But life does throw curve balls at us when we are thinking we are out of the game.
So go and do and hug your sisters, new or old. And just a little advice, if you don't want to be found don't go on FB! LOL.
I remember being 5 or so and my mom was standing at the kitchen sink with her plastic yellow gloves on, washing away. I looked at her, she seemed so tall then, and asked her what adoption meant. She stopped washing for a minute and explained how some mommies cannot take care of their babies so they give them to other mommies who can. That was good enough for me. I think I probably said, "oh." Then I am sure I ran out to play in the big tree and the fort it held.
People, through the years, would pry or prod asking me if I felt abandoned. My own prince charming cannot believe that I didn't have lingering issues. I said every babe given up gives a thought or two to why didn't they want me? But it is passing. So briefly. I bet other children felt things of their own biological parents along the same vein of thoughts. Natural. But that was it for me. No long term remorse. At the end of the day, I know I am loved. Loved by my parents who raised me. Loved by my siblings who share my childhood memories. I have no empty hole I need to fill …..no replacements needed. So I have been content and vaguely curious.
Then I got a call. . . . my sister in law called and said someone was trying to get a hold of me. It was my "biological half sister". I didn't sleep that night. Apparently, someone on FB was able to find me for her. What if we don't like each other? What if we have nothing to talk about? What stories will I hear that will hurt me or make me jealous? Why now? Do I want to open that door? Do I want to expose myself and my family to virtual strangers? How will this change the dynamics of my own relationships with my family? Did a brick wall just fall on me because it sure feels like it!!!!?? The feeling of holy heck this is not true pervaded my life for 24 hours!! It was just so shocking!
She looked for me for 15 years. Dang that was the clincher! She wanted me in her life for a while. We are taking it slow but I find myself thinking, wow I want to call her! Isn't that crazy? I haven't expanded to others in the family. I am unsure, even, how they feel or not feel, if you know what I mean. But life does throw curve balls at us when we are thinking we are out of the game.
So go and do and hug your sisters, new or old. And just a little advice, if you don't want to be found don't go on FB! LOL.
Comments