Don't Gas Light Me....

Don't Gas Light Me....there is a term from a 1938 stage play. It's a term I have learnt years ago and have had to educate numerous people. It is a form of manipulation and deflection. It is sort of like an onion. You ask friend, lover, co worker, a question about their actions and you get an answer that seems plausible. Yet when you walk away,  you feel unsettled and feel you didn't really get the truth.
So you return and get a different answer but still reflects badly on anyone and anything else other then the speaker.

Here is the WikI definition:

• Hiding: The abuser may hide things from the victim and cover up what they have done. Instead of feeling ashamed, the abuser may convince the victim to doubt their own beliefs about the situation and turn the blame on themselves.
• Changing: The abuser feels the need to change something about the victim. Whether it be the way the victim dresses or acts, they want the victim to mold into their fantasy. If the victim does not comply, the abuser may convince the victim that he or she is in fact not good enough.
• Control: The abuser may want to fully control and have power over the victim. In doing so, the abuser will try to seclude them from other friends and family where only they can influence the victim's thoughts and actions. The abuser gets pleasure from knowing the victim is being fully controlled by them.^[19]

I don't necessarily like the word "abuser" because the implies some dark figure and the victim implies non compliant. Because in this life "Gas-Lighters" can be husbands, wives, parents, friends, siblings, boss people. It can be things like "I am a good person and for you to..." or "You knew I was working with her, I told you." "I guess I haven't been a very good mom to you for you to reach out to someone else."  It's saying things to distract you from the real issue with smoke and mirrors. I think we all have one person that is an excellent Gas-Lighter. Problem is, they are so smooth it is "like butter". They know how to say things without thought. I knew one person like that and it took 4 lies, 2 deflections, and one claim to complete ignorance before that person finally fessed up to not wanting to say the real thing! As I have said, like an onion. You have to peel away those things that don't seem right. So do a little research and see if it applies to someone you know! (I told a co-worker her ex-hubby was doing that and it lifted years of the fogginess she always had with him!) 

So go and do and don't get gas lighted!