Life Post

I have been there. That deep black place that you sit alone and wonder how life got this bad? How did the regular daily life of running errands and meeting deadlines to all of sudden morphed into this isolation of loneliness and deep searing pain? The pain of loss, of struggle,of betrayal, of rejection, the end of life that you knew and a suffering that is incomprehensible and a hardship that has strained you to the very core. 

Been there, done that.

My regular attitude in life is "pull up your cow girl boots and get to gettin' done!" kind of mantra. I often see trials as an over sized bully that has knocked me down and I see myself getting up and dusting off. 

Yet there was a time that the very rays of the sun hurt my eyes. The trials of get-up-and-go attitude ,after what seemed a hundred years of life, got to me. I took a 5 day sabbatical from life. Drew down the curtains, fluffed up the pillows and took a long winter nap. It was scary for the family. This cowgirl stopped getting up. Not what cowgirls do. I just didn't want to do it anymore. The craziness life was throwing at me became just a titch too much. Debbie downer.

It was the first and last time I chose that route. Now, and believe me life is testing me to the max, I think of something I saw that gives me perspective....doesn't take away the pain or stress but gives me a "bigger picture". I was honored to be able to tour a Jewish Concentration Camp in Germany. Seeing the things that a human can endure for not just a season but for years, created something in me. Every time I have to face a head-on something and I start thinking of taking a very looonnngg nap, I think of my fellow beings who withstood so much more. Like I mentioned, it doesn't change my tribulations or my anxiety but I think could I endure what I witnessed? No, I  couldn't but I can carry this "now" burden. I may even be able to throw in a little grace as I suffer.

So go and do, it is just a life we are living.