Life Lost....
Life Lost.....I had to say goodbye to my dad last year. It is a funny thing the losing of your parent. It is surreal. You spend half of your life in complete awe of who they are and the last half being snarky at all the "old people" things they do. I think the snarkyness is a mixture of wanting to be seen as an adult by them (meaning parents) but still wanting them to be your mummy or daddy. It is confusion at its best. But even now as a grandmother (a Happy, that is what they call me) I often wish I could sit in my mum's lap and rock away my cares. That is what I mean by an emotional "mix bag of nuts".
It was as spiritual experience. the laying to rest my daddy. All my siblings, without spouses or children, went into the room to put on the religious articles that we place on our dead. My father was laying there on a special bed. His arms were placed cross way over his chest and he looked at peace. I was afraid that it maybe too much to handle as I was not there for the months of dying but instead it was as if he was standing amongst us as we viewed him in the finals of complete peace. We gingerly touched his face and his hands while weeping softly and embracing each other knowing this was a journey only we as siblings could go on together. No one else could be invited because we shared a childhood and only we knew the pain and lost of this man. We were acutely aware that we were on our way to becoming "orphans" and we would need each other more then before. I sat on one of the couches looking at my clan of siblings and realized that this is the first time in about 20 years that we were gathered without anyone else but us. It was as if an invisible string, that had been cut when marriages, children, moving, jobs, etc started taking us away from each other , had magically woven us all back together.
I live far away from home and do not see the lost like my brothers and sisters. I can still pretend he is here on this earth of ours. But when holidays hit and there are times that I think if I could just ask Dad. Just give me one moment in time that I could say what I didn't say before. "Thanks Dad for all you did for me." Man just give me that one moment.
Go and do.
It was as spiritual experience. the laying to rest my daddy. All my siblings, without spouses or children, went into the room to put on the religious articles that we place on our dead. My father was laying there on a special bed. His arms were placed cross way over his chest and he looked at peace. I was afraid that it maybe too much to handle as I was not there for the months of dying but instead it was as if he was standing amongst us as we viewed him in the finals of complete peace. We gingerly touched his face and his hands while weeping softly and embracing each other knowing this was a journey only we as siblings could go on together. No one else could be invited because we shared a childhood and only we knew the pain and lost of this man. We were acutely aware that we were on our way to becoming "orphans" and we would need each other more then before. I sat on one of the couches looking at my clan of siblings and realized that this is the first time in about 20 years that we were gathered without anyone else but us. It was as if an invisible string, that had been cut when marriages, children, moving, jobs, etc started taking us away from each other , had magically woven us all back together.
I live far away from home and do not see the lost like my brothers and sisters. I can still pretend he is here on this earth of ours. But when holidays hit and there are times that I think if I could just ask Dad. Just give me one moment in time that I could say what I didn't say before. "Thanks Dad for all you did for me." Man just give me that one moment.
Go and do.
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