Southern Ladies

 Southern Ladies.....love 'em. Did I say I love 'em? I fetching adore them.  I, a few years ago, migrated from the West to the South. I felt, the first few months for sure, I was in a time warp of the late 1990s. The way of speaking and interacting, the cultural differences, the financial way of doing things, the formality of life,  the food. I actually see chicken feet tied in bundles and packaged Livermush for sale at the Piggly Wiggly!!!!  I was sure I walked into a beginning scene of the movie The Deliverance or maybe more like the start of the movie Pleasantville. 

I am now, a few years down the road,  jealous that I didn't grow up here or grow my family here. Now if your a liberal stop reading and for all the heavens sake do not contemplate ya'all moving here. You have enough cities to run the way you see fit. The south is to be left alone. But I digress. I see that true southern women, who grew up with a modicum of money, are everything you think or view in the media. I feel listing those wonderful attributes is the best way to convey my utmost admiration and longing to be....but stay tuned for the end as that conveys the most admired trait of all.

1. DRESS TO IMPRESS 

is a vibe I get from these last of the true courtiers of womanhood. BY NO means do they feel the need to look like or prescribe to the fashion industry what is considered to be relevant? Off the rack is just fine. It is way deeper and more meaningful than hacking the latest trend set by a world of designers trading fashion up to keep a flowing of monies into the pockets of the few. Or giving into the trend that exercise clothing is an actual uniform to be worn day in and day out. (DON'T SHOOT THE MESSENGER!) It is the idea that one must be put together not to please others but because they know who they are and taking care of their outward appearance is entwined in that confidence. The hair is coiffed and sprayed in place  The nails are always neat and are either polished or not, NEVER in-between.  The face is cleansed and (with restraint) made up for an impromptu occasion. I read an article about the usage of their southern matriarchs always wearing their red lipstick no matter the occasion or dress. The red hit the lips even if the pajamas and robe were still on and the morning coffee hadn't even percolated yet. It is the ideology that the appearance of being neat and put together IS a standard of confidence and IF there is a set of pearls thrown it, that only serves as a bonus!

2. SOUTHERN HOSPITALITY 

is alive and well. There is a generational formality that is ingrained in every pore of these Belles. There is a smile and a sweet disposition no matter what the true undercurrent is. The absolute belief is that most people do not need to be overpowered by hearing the woes of one's life and the debilitating crisis of living.  Southern women (and men)  have the strength and it spills over into their daily conversations that insist speakers avoid in casual conversation subjects that bring contention and or discomfort or derogatory in tone. I  overhear exchanges as I meander in the stores and there is a true musicality to the way they relate. "Kill them with kindness " is a real thing and it is so comforting to observe.

3a. THE WORD HONEY  is used frequently and is either derogatory or loving. Hope your "honey" is the latter. 

3b. BLESS YOUR HEART is used more than HONEY. It is a tricky slope and I believe being southern is the only way to know how to decipher the appropriate use it. I once used it in a small room filled with my southern friends. I used the phrase and it became dead quiet. I had used it wrong and it was not only a  severe faux pas but an insult. 

4. There is generally a conservatism and a religious aspect to them that allows a serene "centering" that I have not observed in mass anywhere else. They seem to have a quiet strength that is untouched by media, the world, perceived expectations from the nobodies who think they are somebody.

5. BACKBONE

is something you see in their communications. They state their opinions bluntly but kindly. My daughter was shopping with her littlies and they were barefoot as it was a hot southern summer replete with humidity.  She put the two sundressed girls in the buggy (shopping cart) and pushed them around as she shopped her list. These two elderly southern ladies practically accosted her with "didn't understand why she couldn't afford shoes for her daughters?" So here is the rub, anywhere else in the world, that would be rude on any level. Here, that is just a matriarchal earned right.

6. TRADITIONAL FOOD

is a must. I have spoken to several born-and-bred ladies here. You do not introduce strawberry, almond, gouda cheese salads with light garlic and sage fish here. You stay with the traditions of food. Chicken everything, grits, okra, biscuits, potatoes served several ways, banana pie or sweet potato pie. Mac and cheese or ham with a little green butter-soaked collard green thrown in for color. BBQ, need I say more? Sweet tea is a must for those who indulge in tea. Lemonade is very good as well here. I was going to put on a church soiree once (covid kyboshed that ) and was jokingly (?) told that if the plate wasn't full of "white" then it wasn't southern! LOL. But the southern girl is slender and fit. That is a secret I want in on, how to eat fried okra and not gain poundage.

7. There are many things I love but the one I love the most is

that the southerners love their "mama". Mama is not to be disrespected or talked to casually or taken for granted. She is the center of her children's lives no matter the age of the said child (ren).  Southern mamas and their daughters are connected in a spiritual way that has no words to describe. You can see in any store parking lot or church pew where mama is side by side with her daughter (s). There is a true love and sisterhood between mothers and daughters here. In the West, the connection isn't always obvious. I remember walking into Wally World and seeing several mothers with their children walking into the store. The observation was that, almost without exception, the parent and child were focused on their phones screens as they walked in. Or I would see mothers with their buggy filled with children but on the phone with someone more important (?) Here, mothers and their offspring are interacting and circling around each other instead of bringing distractions into their time together. It is a lovely sight to behold. Southern daughters love their mothers in a way that is transcendental. 

There are many wonderful articles about the south and the enigma of their long-held traditional ways. I offer to you that taking a day of research of the true south will not only surprise you but also entertain  you and even create a lil' bit of jealousy of their ways.

It is a way of life that is something to behold. Go and do and hope that one day you can be blessed to partake of fried okra and buttered and cheesed grits from a true southerner. You will be better for it!