May 6th

 May 6th....not a great day and yet one of the best days. My little sister passed away, very unexpectedly, last summer. The sixth is her birthday. 

I woke up,  not realizing the specialness of this particular day. I awakened early, as normal for Sundays. I lay for a bit in bed while snuggling under the covers, contemplating what I will wear to church and what I may want to cook for the day. We traditionally recognize the Sabbath as a day of rest, so food is really important and is generally a thought early in the a.m. 

I have traveled a lot to see my kin and have had "ox in the mire" type of Sundays and really haven't attended physically my church as often but have attended via zoom, or other buildings depending on my vicinity. I really have been feeling that I need to get back to my "church" and be home for a bit and see my congregational peeps. Find my routine again, if you will.

This day though, I woke up and laid there. Prince said, "are  you going to get ready for church?" I replied no. Not going today. Well okay, there you go. 

I didn't feel right and so laid there in my pj's and just felt "off". That is when the family text started. A reminder that my sister "Birdy" had a birthday today. The first one without her. My sweet brother-in-law texted that he was in California, at their favorite vacation place, spreading her ashes. My heart dropped. That wound that was neatly covered up with a proverbial band-aid, ripped right off. My whole body felt a shock at not remembering about her birthday and now recognizing how I really really miss her. 

I recalled how our last conversation wouldn't be chalked up to a favorite one. It stays with me, wishing our last words were better than what they were.  Sucks to be honest.

But such is life. The world has let loose a can of crazy and our lives still have their own kind of shiite.  So we go on.

Go and do and maybe take a minute for serenity.