Freedom to Choose Me…

Freedom to choose me…I have given myself freedom to be me. Let me get frank, I was in the depths of despair. Real despair like if I off my self who will find me in the bathtub and what will I wear for my final curtain call? (To be truthful, what kept me from doing anything is I didn't want to die looking "fluffy"!) It started when we had been laid off 3 years ago and my joyfulness and positive attitude fed us for about one and one half years. Then I resigned from my upbeat attitude and decided that my "Father in Heaven" was too busy watching over someone else. I was alone. There was no lack of finding someone going through something worse then I. But I found no solace in the "life could be worse" mantra. The complete absence of steady money, the perception of judgements, the things that are needed (i.e. new glasses, dental work, anti-biotic's) are moved to the "never" going to happen list became too much. Oh, there were plenty of earthbound angels (friends and family) that buoyed us up and made our lives bearable if not enjoyable. (Um, yes, your right, that was Father sending blessings! But I didn't see it as completely as I do now!) But about a month or so ago I decided that I have two choices, bear it and love it or despair about everything! I decided to enjoy and things came to me! Not immediately, no not immediately, but they came. Our paychecks have been messed up, we have had unexpected bills, our poor Van-go looks like it is the "trash mobile." BUT I went to Vegas with dear friends, my BESTIE double quad friend came for a week, my sis is here visiting, I got a brand new spanking funkified hair cut and two new glasses the represent me, the me I have chosen to recapture! It is true, the secret, it is a mind set. I call upon my "committee" all the time. (They are my "peeps" that have gone before me, my grandfathers and grandmothers, my uncle, my brother all who have passed on but are still working for me!) I have a little bit of me back and that includes my philosophy that "life works out" , oh not the way we plan, no way, but it does work out...