Monday, September 12, 2016

I am strong but I am tired....

I am strong but I am tired....That was a post on facebook. I immediately knew this was my mantra. It's true. I was at my house of worship last or yesterday. I was in a class teaching about parenthood and the responsibility to raise children in a world that seems to be heading toward the toilet. I made a point that mothers have to not be the children's friend but needs to be a very good listener and must be there for them when they are ready to speak. I also said mothers need to be strong and that I see the younger mama's not wanting to be the strong parent but the child's companion. I show the younger mums gristle with contempt for me, hey, what do I know after 22 years of child raising???? Any who, one of the mum's shared thinking that she was doing a good thing but it accented my point. She shared that they have, as good parents, realized that their language isn't as concise and appropriate as they want their children to hear. So they set up a hand slap (gentle) for anytime a bad word is said. Mummy said shut up and little boy slapped her hand and chided her for it. The point, for mum, was that yes we are setting a good example. The point, for me, is your allowing your younin' to be in control of you and punish you.  I would have set up it differently. The little swat would be for the littlie but if I said a bad word I would say thank you for the reminder and your right it is a word we cannot use. I personally, use words on my teens that if they ever used on me, would lead to immediate death or at least loss of phone, bed, friends, etc. IT isn't that I should be saying sailor words and it isn't that I should be allowed to say things that I would consider uncontrolled words. BUT I do pay the mortgage and (well me and Prince Charming) feed and clothe and run errands and provide water and soap and heat and bedding and and and and,,,,,,,,And sometimes the pressure of that has to bubble up into a naughty word or go ballistic, it is a choice I have to make and the bleep word seems to relieve pressure. Now if my teen son who stands taller then I and is definitely stronger, was raised to believe that he has a place to correct me.....well that isn't a great scenario.

I will share.

I am not proud but will share for all of you who can relate.

My tall boy who is so sweet and tender that sometimes we forget he is 17.5 and think on him as 14. He stays in the background and apologizes for things and says he loves you even in front of friends....did I share this already? Cannot remember if I did with you or others.....But the boy has a habit of having a great week of fun and grousing when a job is presented. We were in the drive way cleaning cars. My littlest was working hard as were we for the past few hours as junior prince was slumbering. He groused as he walked out to work with us. I lost it. Said words that I had to apologize for later. Dang. Went ballistic. After a few bleep words I glanced around and realized ever y family on my street was out. I thought they have to judge me but they will get there one day. So imagine my junior prince, standing taller then me and being taught he could reprimand me.  It doesn't work. be the Lioness of your home. You WILL MAKE many mistakes but that doesn't put you on the same level as your children. Stop trying to be equal to them, if that were true they would be paying you rent.

I had another little moment with junior. And I had him write out a column of all the things we give to him. Then fill out a column of all the things we do for him. And then a column of what we expect from him. (That by the way was a VERY short list. Do jobs, work hard at school, go to church, join family community.) He could see the list that was so long it spilled onto another page of what we give and do for him. So next time you want to be equal with your kidlet, fill out all you do for them and what they do for you. You will soon see swatting you on the hand to reprimand you isn't in the plan, unless he is paying your mortgage that is.

Go and do and be strong!

Saturday, September 10, 2016

You can always tell...

You can always tell....when I am working. I stop blogging. Not that I don't have a million words running through my head dying to be written down. But it is the I am too tired to be creative. I know, creativity takes freedom, atleast for me. Didn't J.K. Rowlings write over coffee in a pub or something?

It is silly. I had a friend, not silly, come to see me. We had this long conversation about working at an older age and how that looks. Ladies, listen to me, our whole labeling changes after big changes in our lives. I will speak to mamas but I think it is apt to anyone who needs a changes in life. We look back at the label, mine was mother, and somehow it is changing. I am still a mama but less of one. I was these two parts, a mom and a wife. But now I am subdividing myself into other parts. But I don't have the youth or the looks or the pure lack of concern as I divide myself into other things. So the silliness is this. I worked hard at jobs these last few years. Stretching my mind, comfort zone, and energies. They didn't fulfill me. I was slowly becoming a walking dead. (My 16 year old will appreciate that reference.) Then I got a job at a thrift store sorting jewelry. I told my friend who would have guessed a low paying (did I even use the word pay?) job sorting through heaps of donated jewelry. IT is so fun......I told her that is what I want to do for a long while.. IT is part time and fits into my schedule and I like who I work around. That small part of me that divided and said I do not have to be that other person making money and driving for hours to work, I can be simple. And that very essence of simplicity is what made me feel better about life. And it opened up my mind to creating other things. 

So dear reader. Blogging is important to me. So I will make time.
go and do and ignore this rambling post, I have had a few days off.

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Labor Day

Labor Day occurred yesterday....my 17 year old son asked what that holiday is for? It is , in a nutshell, a shout out to workers and laborers who built this country. But I didn't tell the boy that. I told him it was a day for labor and that is why we are dedicating the day to Fall Cleaning. He wasn't impressed.

He still, along with the baby of the family and the parental units, worked his fanny off. 

We cleaned out drawers and the garage and mowed the lawn and waxed the cars and and and and. I took a bath after that long day and slept like a beauty sleeper.

Whilst many Americans were out picnicking, camping, movies, restaurants, we celebrated by reenacting the very head to the grindstone that built this country. Do I feel bad? I ponder. I rub my chin. I look off to the right in a meaningful assessment. Making my poor children work on their big day off from school...................silence..........birds chirping. Come to think of it or more true, after thinking on it, I don't have one minor twitch about making them be responsible for the very items that serve them and bring them comfort. I don't feel bad that they had to learn the value of cleaning out the car and removing the messes they made. Wiping up toothpaste spills left by them in the drawers or mowing the lawn that gives them a place to kick balls and lay in the glorious sun.

I think, after special consideration, that making the children work on Labor day will probably make me the worst best mother in the world. And, for your information, I can live with that.

Go and do.....labor is good for the soul.

Friday, September 2, 2016

Dorothy..........................

Dorothy....Auntie Em, Auntie Em. Yes I am having a bit of a mama's melt down. A hurricane may hit down in the Carolina's just where me eldest resides with her (my boy by marriage)man and their "the lil' tyke" who is my heart. I know, down deep, that all is well and they may get their "Wellies" wet and have a few meals in the freezer unused. BUT, I still worry. It is harder being a mama of grown uppers. You can't bring them home and make soup and cuddle. You have to let them be and ride the waves and pray on the fast track prayer express. I am thankful schools, businesses, etc have all closed down. That way I know the boy is home taking care of his (my) girls. 

Life is funny. There is no such thing as norm. I have seen people work forever, save, not live...waiting for empty nesting and then their health takes a dive. 

So I am  glad my gals/guy are on an adventure. I just hope that the Tornado doesn't hit the Emerald City. Go and do....

Thursday, September 1, 2016

Middle age sucks....




Middle age sucks...It really does. I tried as hard as I could to come up with some flowery advice that assuages the reality of empty nesting.



Image result for image of old lady

Ain't got nothing.  I see it in many of my friends and myself. If we were mothers and not married to the Millionaire-next-store all of a sudden we find ourselves maybe not in the most comfortable of situations. Many, I have found, have gone back to work to help with the remaining kidlets at home and worrying about the future. But don't fret. It is not the I dreamt of picket fences and cruises life....but it still is worth it. The staying home and cooking, cleaning, baking cookies and giving hugs. Though it is difficult now, going back to the work force having been gone since the age of the Dodo Bird.  I still wouldn't have given up those times with me Littlies. I am stretched a little  now. Figuring out work, time with the teens, and worrying about the future. But everything has consequences. Good and bad. I didn't work and maybe my life won't look as sexy as I had hoped. But ..... man, loving those people that have lived in my life is better then any cruise. The snap chats from my son-in-law, the pics of my children in their stages of life, text from my other son-by-marriage......delicious moments. So growing old without a career and all those things that means, my life is great and changing and looking different then I thought but that's okay. But I won't omit that occasionally that big ol' cigar looks enticing. Go and do and grow old gracefully. 

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

passivity blah-sivity

Passivity blah-sivity....I cannot and I mean CAN'T, CANNOT, WILL NOT handle passivity. It's that passive way of not saying what really wants to be said. The dancing around the issue the expectation that it is easier to not voice what one really wants to say but instead whispers a lie. Because that is what the unsaid is. Nature abhors a empty space. So when we don't say what we really want too, we expel a sentence or two that is wholly untrue. It is the need in a passive person to be liked, avoid conflict, not trusting in oneself. Yet if the realization only was adhered too, one would realize hiding the truth (that is what is being done, by the way) is creating exactly what they don't want. The receiver of the bile that is being tossed their way, is frustrated and sub-consciously angry or confused. It is the mix messages that create havoc in the listeners brain. It is far better to be in conflict and not be liked then to really not be appreciated or trusted because lies have a way of flowing into the sub-cranium and once there, the meter of trust is gone. I know that when, on occasion, I have had people say they like something I am wearing. But I  know that it looks awful and that I am wearing it for the day just because of no other items to wear or just in a hurry or just don't care. But if I get a compliment, I know they are just saying that. 

So be brave. Tell the truth. You may lose friends, you may have conflict, and heck you may even be disliked. But it is far better to release the truth and be real then to fake a situation and have it not work out. Suzy Orman, I hope I spelled it right, a financial adviser says be real about your finances. If you aren't realistic then you cannot solve the problem. Tell people your business. Be real. Then it can be solved. This is good life advice. Everyone, whether they say it or not, appreciates knowing the reality of any situation. So take that step if you are a passive peep. Be brave. Say truth. Be real. (Now it goes without saying, since you read this blog, that being kind is always the first step to being real. Right?!) 

Go and do and do not, I mean DO not, be passive. Good day to ya!  

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Back in Time...

Back in time...sometimes I wish I could go back. Back to the hectic nights of putting little ones, dressed in sweeping princess nighties or Ninja Turtles P.j.'s, back to bed for the 6th time. Back to the time a trip to the dollar store could make a bad day good. Back to when dinners were all about singing songs as we all put "out" the dinner items. Back in time a cuddle could cure all.

My prince says often "I would give my left arm for just one more week with them when they were small."  Don't get me wrong, the grown up side is awsome. But different. There are still occasional songs being sung in the kitchen and every so once in awhile a trip to the dollar store can be okay. It is I though that has to go to bed early. And I am  the only one brave enough to wear Ninja Turtles, if I could only find them in my size. 

I have worked for almost a year and though it is a necessary, I have hated it. I have missed out on the last years of having people live with me. I have finally finished my contract and though it has been a hardship, I have appreciated the late night talks with my remaining teens. Their ability to scope me out and speak about random things. I have appreciated their gratitude in having dinner on the table and the ability to talk to me about anything that crosses their mind. I still get up around five. Not to go to work but to see the kid-lets off for the day, a little breakfast for them and some good counsel. I will have to find work soon. But I have faith that, just as I gave up things for feety pajamas and felt like I didn't miss much, that will be the same for my teens and I now. I will give up a lot but I won't miss much. And that, for me, what is important.

Go and do.

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

The Summer I survivied...

The summer I survived ...............It has been crazy to say the least. In a nutshell the last 12 weeks consisted of my married couple moving in for a few weeks, having their (my grandbaby)   baby, school ending, moving the couple + baby across country, starting a new job, my nephew passing unexpectedly, and my 2nd in charge getting hitched.

The tidal wave is now ending just as the summer is. School starts in 3 weeks, my job ends in two. We are gathering up the last on our to do list and moving onto a Fall without our 2 eldest living close and the 2nd's living their own married life, only seeing them on Sundays. The 3rd will be a Senior and the sporting a fresh driver's license. My nest is emptying.

The tidal wave of the last few weeks that had me living on caffeine and just trying to cope with moment to moment has fettered into a small wash up on shore. I now can do my hair so it doesn't look like a matted mess and iron my clothes so I look like I have parents. I no longer have bags under my eyes and I can actually complete a whole sentence. I don't have the frantic frown lines anymore but my hair is a bit whiter.  I don't have the need to complete one task just to rush onto another.
I don't have conflict or hurt feelings or a need to drink 2 Monsters a day or go to the Piggly Wiggly and  buy random things just to relax. The stress of the summer is over.

I don't have my two marrieds with child, or my two 2nd in commands. My third is growing up and my fourth is not really little anymore. I will putter around the house this Fall and live on a budget ....again.

I alreay miss summer. Go and  do.  And appreciate what once was and look forward to what will be but MOSTLY love the now, no matter what it looks like.