Friday, July 7, 2017

Days of Summer Wine...

Days of Summer Wine...not really sure where that old saying came from. But it offers up a sense of nostalgia and memories of great summers past. I dread the days that are coming where I don't go out over 72 degrees and I need a cardigan all summer long. It's coming along with polyester and bifocals. Oh, wait, already got that. The bifocals NOT the polyester!

There is a sense of being young forever. And somehow I was going to beat that old people thing. But atlas, I fooled myself. My youngest is about to enter high school and the family is splintering off to create their own branches of the family tree. So I comfort myself with a tall ice-filled glass of peppermint water and recount the days of substituting a pool with sprinklers, splinters in little bare feet, the smell of outdoors encrusted in sweaty hair, lemonade stands profiting a whopping $5.oo and short walks to the gas station to get something treat like. 

I remember when the children would get a bit antsy, I would gather them up much like a Mother Duckling. We would walk past our neighbors houses, past the local park, and find the tiny path cut in by a grove of trees. That path lead to railroad tracks where indubitably one or all of us would walk like a tight rope acrobat on the tiny side rails of that track. If we were extremely lucky, a few times, we would find a penny that was flattened by the train. That was a treasure to behold. They would all gather in a circle spying the treasure and argue who would get to hold the penny. We would then wind our way behind a veterinarian office and end up at the local gas-and-go. There, I stood patiently over my ducklings, as they spied the eye-level goodies that (in their minds) revival Willie Wonka. Some of my littlies would go straight to the goodies they wanted. (Two words-Circus Peanuts.) Others had to decide between several items that caught their attention. We would then saunter home as we partook of our treats and just talk about whatever was on the minds of the these tiny people. 

I miss tiny swim suits and mismatched flip flops. I miss lemonade stands and songs shouted out while doing hand stands in the grass. I miss cleaning up melted Popsicles and drying crying  eyes and sticky hands due to that. I miss walks to the park and helping scared little ducks the first time they go down a big slide. I miss the game of "touch that, that, and that" and whoever does that and touches me, WINS!  I miss dinner at 10:oo at night as we all gathered around the table outside. I miss the watching Harry Potter the first week of every Summer and getting hena tattoos to celebrate the 3 months off. 

I miss those days. And I love those days. And now I cannot wait for the days ahead. Where my children will bring their littlies to my house and I will get to wipe the sticky tiny fingers and give the biggest hugs to the next generation.

Maybe getting older isn't so bad......polyester still is DON'T GET ME WRONG!

Go and do and create a memory just for summer.

Sunday, July 2, 2017

IIIIIMMMMM BBBAACCKKK

I am back. Wow, time has flown. This is a year where life has thrown me some huge gigantic overwhelming curve balls. (Baseball analogy.) I came out scraped and scarred but triumphant.  
And in life that is the only thing that counts.

I have lectured my not so little remaining brewed of offspring that it often isn't the journey but how you come off that journey that counts. We all face dung. Let's face it there is no one that has been able to avoid some sort of trial, sadness, loss etc in life. If someone says their life is perfect, run. Because that aint truth. I have found, at least , in our community and I bet where you live, there are those that look perfect. Nails done, hair coiffed, superwoman of any age. Don't buy the packaging.
We all suffer. WE all have days we are full of doubt. We all do  stupid things. It's life. (You can't see it but I am shrugging my shoulders and pronouncing the word life as if I am an Italian Mafia.)

Today, in my religious meeting a young man about 20ish got up. He was heavy set and had walked up to the pulpit to "bear" his testimony. He was sweet and seemed very confident. He announced his name and shared what he did in the church as well as a glimpse of his life. And then there was some coughing and apologies and some choking up. HE expressed how he was alone in his belief and was alone within his family unit. He asked for help from us to help him feel comfort and love. Who'd would of guessed???  His mask was a happy boy who came to church every week and was confident. His reality wasn't so.

I was sitting with a few gals at the lunch table at work. They were reminiscing .... no wait...one had her husband texting her bad news, he had been a naughty gigolo, and another gal was saying that even years after her husband's, um,  incident, she still has trust issues. I was thinking how sad life can be for us behind our closed doors. How no one there at my place of business would ever guess these sweet kind gals were facing such painful realizations of their lives. Their packaging was hard working business women, their realities didn't match. I have come to realize, that is all of us.

My friend, Dewey, said and I am sure I have shared before, "we all wear a mask. Be careful of the one you choose." Now he was talking about becoming who you want to be. But the first part of that says we DO ALL WEAR A MASK.

What is my return rant getting too? Be kind. Be generous. We never know what someone else is facing behind that mask.

Go and do and be generous.





Monday, September 12, 2016

I am strong but I am tired....

I am strong but I am tired....That was a post on facebook. I immediately knew this was my mantra. It's true. I was at my house of worship last or yesterday. I was in a class teaching about parenthood and the responsibility to raise children in a world that seems to be heading toward the toilet. I made a point that mothers have to not be the children's friend but needs to be a very good listener and must be there for them when they are ready to speak. I also said mothers need to be strong and that I see the younger mama's not wanting to be the strong parent but the child's companion. I show the younger mums gristle with contempt for me, hey, what do I know after 22 years of child raising???? Any who, one of the mum's shared thinking that she was doing a good thing but it accented my point. She shared that they have, as good parents, realized that their language isn't as concise and appropriate as they want their children to hear. So they set up a hand slap (gentle) for anytime a bad word is said. Mummy said shut up and little boy slapped her hand and chided her for it. The point, for mum, was that yes we are setting a good example. The point, for me, is your allowing your younin' to be in control of you and punish you.  I would have set up it differently. The little swat would be for the littlie but if I said a bad word I would say thank you for the reminder and your right it is a word we cannot use. I personally, use words on my teens that if they ever used on me, would lead to immediate death or at least loss of phone, bed, friends, etc. IT isn't that I should be saying sailor words and it isn't that I should be allowed to say things that I would consider uncontrolled words. BUT I do pay the mortgage and (well me and Prince Charming) feed and clothe and run errands and provide water and soap and heat and bedding and and and and,,,,,,,,And sometimes the pressure of that has to bubble up into a naughty word or go ballistic, it is a choice I have to make and the bleep word seems to relieve pressure. Now if my teen son who stands taller then I and is definitely stronger, was raised to believe that he has a place to correct me.....well that isn't a great scenario.

I will share.

I am not proud but will share for all of you who can relate.

My tall boy who is so sweet and tender that sometimes we forget he is 17.5 and think on him as 14. He stays in the background and apologizes for things and says he loves you even in front of friends....did I share this already? Cannot remember if I did with you or others.....But the boy has a habit of having a great week of fun and grousing when a job is presented. We were in the drive way cleaning cars. My littlest was working hard as were we for the past few hours as junior prince was slumbering. He groused as he walked out to work with us. I lost it. Said words that I had to apologize for later. Dang. Went ballistic. After a few bleep words I glanced around and realized ever y family on my street was out. I thought they have to judge me but they will get there one day. So imagine my junior prince, standing taller then me and being taught he could reprimand me.  It doesn't work. be the Lioness of your home. You WILL MAKE many mistakes but that doesn't put you on the same level as your children. Stop trying to be equal to them, if that were true they would be paying you rent.

I had another little moment with junior. And I had him write out a column of all the things we give to him. Then fill out a column of all the things we do for him. And then a column of what we expect from him. (That by the way was a VERY short list. Do jobs, work hard at school, go to church, join family community.) He could see the list that was so long it spilled onto another page of what we give and do for him. So next time you want to be equal with your kidlet, fill out all you do for them and what they do for you. You will soon see swatting you on the hand to reprimand you isn't in the plan, unless he is paying your mortgage that is.

Go and do and be strong!

Saturday, September 10, 2016

You can always tell...

You can always tell....when I am working. I stop blogging. Not that I don't have a million words running through my head dying to be written down. But it is the I am too tired to be creative. I know, creativity takes freedom, atleast for me. Didn't J.K. Rowlings write over coffee in a pub or something?

It is silly. I had a friend, not silly, come to see me. We had this long conversation about working at an older age and how that looks. Ladies, listen to me, our whole labeling changes after big changes in our lives. I will speak to mamas but I think it is apt to anyone who needs a changes in life. We look back at the label, mine was mother, and somehow it is changing. I am still a mama but less of one. I was these two parts, a mom and a wife. But now I am subdividing myself into other parts. But I don't have the youth or the looks or the pure lack of concern as I divide myself into other things. So the silliness is this. I worked hard at jobs these last few years. Stretching my mind, comfort zone, and energies. They didn't fulfill me. I was slowly becoming a walking dead. (My 16 year old will appreciate that reference.) Then I got a job at a thrift store sorting jewelry. I told my friend who would have guessed a low paying (did I even use the word pay?) job sorting through heaps of donated jewelry. IT is so fun......I told her that is what I want to do for a long while.. IT is part time and fits into my schedule and I like who I work around. That small part of me that divided and said I do not have to be that other person making money and driving for hours to work, I can be simple. And that very essence of simplicity is what made me feel better about life. And it opened up my mind to creating other things. 

So dear reader. Blogging is important to me. So I will make time.
go and do and ignore this rambling post, I have had a few days off.

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Labor Day

Labor Day occurred yesterday....my 17 year old son asked what that holiday is for? It is , in a nutshell, a shout out to workers and laborers who built this country. But I didn't tell the boy that. I told him it was a day for labor and that is why we are dedicating the day to Fall Cleaning. He wasn't impressed.

He still, along with the baby of the family and the parental units, worked his fanny off. 

We cleaned out drawers and the garage and mowed the lawn and waxed the cars and and and and. I took a bath after that long day and slept like a beauty sleeper.

Whilst many Americans were out picnicking, camping, movies, restaurants, we celebrated by reenacting the very head to the grindstone that built this country. Do I feel bad? I ponder. I rub my chin. I look off to the right in a meaningful assessment. Making my poor children work on their big day off from school...................silence..........birds chirping. Come to think of it or more true, after thinking on it, I don't have one minor twitch about making them be responsible for the very items that serve them and bring them comfort. I don't feel bad that they had to learn the value of cleaning out the car and removing the messes they made. Wiping up toothpaste spills left by them in the drawers or mowing the lawn that gives them a place to kick balls and lay in the glorious sun.

I think, after special consideration, that making the children work on Labor day will probably make me the worst best mother in the world. And, for your information, I can live with that.

Go and do.....labor is good for the soul.

Friday, September 2, 2016

Dorothy..........................

Dorothy....Auntie Em, Auntie Em. Yes I am having a bit of a mama's melt down. A hurricane may hit down in the Carolina's just where me eldest resides with her (my boy by marriage)man and their "the lil' tyke" who is my heart. I know, down deep, that all is well and they may get their "Wellies" wet and have a few meals in the freezer unused. BUT, I still worry. It is harder being a mama of grown uppers. You can't bring them home and make soup and cuddle. You have to let them be and ride the waves and pray on the fast track prayer express. I am thankful schools, businesses, etc have all closed down. That way I know the boy is home taking care of his (my) girls. 

Life is funny. There is no such thing as norm. I have seen people work forever, save, not live...waiting for empty nesting and then their health takes a dive. 

So I am  glad my gals/guy are on an adventure. I just hope that the Tornado doesn't hit the Emerald City. Go and do....

Thursday, September 1, 2016

Middle age sucks....




Middle age sucks...It really does. I tried as hard as I could to come up with some flowery advice that assuages the reality of empty nesting.



Image result for image of old lady

Ain't got nothing.  I see it in many of my friends and myself. If we were mothers and not married to the Millionaire-next-store all of a sudden we find ourselves maybe not in the most comfortable of situations. Many, I have found, have gone back to work to help with the remaining kidlets at home and worrying about the future. But don't fret. It is not the I dreamt of picket fences and cruises life....but it still is worth it. The staying home and cooking, cleaning, baking cookies and giving hugs. Though it is difficult now, going back to the work force having been gone since the age of the Dodo Bird.  I still wouldn't have given up those times with me Littlies. I am stretched a little  now. Figuring out work, time with the teens, and worrying about the future. But everything has consequences. Good and bad. I didn't work and maybe my life won't look as sexy as I had hoped. But ..... man, loving those people that have lived in my life is better then any cruise. The snap chats from my son-in-law, the pics of my children in their stages of life, text from my other son-by-marriage......delicious moments. So growing old without a career and all those things that means, my life is great and changing and looking different then I thought but that's okay. But I won't omit that occasionally that big ol' cigar looks enticing. Go and do and grow old gracefully. 

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

passivity blah-sivity

Passivity blah-sivity....I cannot and I mean CAN'T, CANNOT, WILL NOT handle passivity. It's that passive way of not saying what really wants to be said. The dancing around the issue the expectation that it is easier to not voice what one really wants to say but instead whispers a lie. Because that is what the unsaid is. Nature abhors a empty space. So when we don't say what we really want too, we expel a sentence or two that is wholly untrue. It is the need in a passive person to be liked, avoid conflict, not trusting in oneself. Yet if the realization only was adhered too, one would realize hiding the truth (that is what is being done, by the way) is creating exactly what they don't want. The receiver of the bile that is being tossed their way, is frustrated and sub-consciously angry or confused. It is the mix messages that create havoc in the listeners brain. It is far better to be in conflict and not be liked then to really not be appreciated or trusted because lies have a way of flowing into the sub-cranium and once there, the meter of trust is gone. I know that when, on occasion, I have had people say they like something I am wearing. But I  know that it looks awful and that I am wearing it for the day just because of no other items to wear or just in a hurry or just don't care. But if I get a compliment, I know they are just saying that. 

So be brave. Tell the truth. You may lose friends, you may have conflict, and heck you may even be disliked. But it is far better to release the truth and be real then to fake a situation and have it not work out. Suzy Orman, I hope I spelled it right, a financial adviser says be real about your finances. If you aren't realistic then you cannot solve the problem. Tell people your business. Be real. Then it can be solved. This is good life advice. Everyone, whether they say it or not, appreciates knowing the reality of any situation. So take that step if you are a passive peep. Be brave. Say truth. Be real. (Now it goes without saying, since you read this blog, that being kind is always the first step to being real. Right?!) 

Go and do and do not, I mean DO not, be passive. Good day to ya!